This summer…

This summer I am going to live a little. I’ve been feeling like a shell lately. Like a turtle living with my head and legs all tucked up inside. Sometimes it’s just easier that way; living a life turtled (all you volleyball players know what I mean. Thankfully, I’m not normally one to turtle on the court.). It saves me from realizing all the things I’m missing out. I don’t have to think about anything or feel anything when I’m turtled. I can just live in my own little house, making things in my own little kitchen. It’s a small life and sometimes it’s all I can handle.

But if the sun is bright enough, I just might poke my head out. It’s a little disorienting at first and I have to squint because the sun can be blinding. The noise and busy-ness is an assault on my senses. I often feel totally overwhelmed by the happiness going on around me. But once I’ve adjusted I also see everything good I’m missing out on: riding the merry-go-round with my beautiful little niece, eating cotton candy with the girls at the fair, celebrating birthdays all in pink (a very important color, apparently, when you are turning five).

This summer I am going to live a little more. I’m going to walk barefoot all day. I’m going to take a nap outside. I’m going to run in the pouring rain. I’m going to bake something with my niece and not care about the mess. I’m going to find a favorite poem. I’m going to make a new recipe once a week with fresh goods from the local farmer’s market (see below). I’m going to hoe my mom’s garden along side her. I’m going hold my breath underwater for longer than 19 seconds. I’m going to take only a film camera on a photo expedition. I’m going to climb a tree.

I’m going to try and take it all in: the scary, the hurtful, the good, and the happy. I’m going to live.

Summer Lemon Risotto (serves 2 as a main, double recipe to serve 4)

• 2 to 2 1/2 C broth
• 1 tsp butter
• 1/2 small white onion, chopped
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 3/4 C arborio rice
• 1/4 C dry white wine
• zest of one lemon
• 1 small bunch of asparagus, chopped into 1″ pieces
• 1 small zucchini, chopped into 1/4″ slices
• 3/4 C fresh corn (or one cob)
• small handful of fresh basil
• juice of 1/2 a lemon
• 1/4 C freshly grated parmesan
• salt and pepper to taste

• Bring the broth to a boil then lower to a simmer.
• In a medium pan, heat the butter then add in the garlic and onions. Saute on medium until they are nice and fragrant, and opaque. Then stir in the rice and saute another two to three minutes.
• Pour in the wine (thank goodness you only need 1/4 C. The rest of the bottle you can drink yourself.) and throw in the lemon zest. Stir until the wine is absorbed.
• Turn the heat to medium low and add in 1 C broth. Stir occasionally until most of the liquid is absorbed. Continue adding the broth 1/2 a cup at a time, stirring frequently until the liquid is mostly absorbed before adding the next half cup. Once the rice is tender firm, this should take approximately 20 minutes, remove from the heat.
• Meanwhile, saute the asparagus and zucchini 4 to 5 minutes until tender crisp.
• Once the rice has reached the desired tenderness, stir in the corn, basil, lemon juice and parmesan. Then stir in the asparagus and zucchini.
• Garnish with freshly ground pepper and sea salt.

• This goes really well with a few shrimp and scallops. Saute the seafood in a little of the white wine, a bit of lemon zest and a minced clove of garlic.
• Feel free to use what ever fresh veggies you have on hand.
• I used vegetable broth, but depending on what you’re serving the risotto with, adjust your broth to suit (ie. chicken broth, beef broth, shrimp broth if your really ambitious).

Anyone else feeling it?

That June gloom? A feeling of persistent grey and cloud? And I’m not just referring to the dismal weather (my favorite DVF chiffon sundress is still hibernating in my closet from last summer). I’m talking about the very state of my emotional well-being. That part of me that today, feels like the bug; not the windshield.

My legs are tired and sore from running. My head hurts from not enough caffeine. I haven’t had enough time in my kitchen lately to whip up yummy treats to share with you. I’m turning yet another year older in the very, near future. The sun never shines; I’m tired of being cold. I need to see some bright, happy color. And I really, really need a hair cut. And maybe a good night out on the town with my dancing shoes.

I recently read an article about conversations we have with ourselves. It really made me stop and think: are most of my conversations focusing on negative things? Am I complaining to myself? Obsessing about things? Ruminating on things that aren’t working?

What would happen, if instead of fixating on the negative, I would spend my time consciously focusing on what is good in my life and what is working? What if I started noticing all the little things that bring me joy? What if my conversations listed things I am grateful for? Or how about having a conversation with myself with intent of creating a positive change? If I did, the paragraph above might go something like this:

I just completed a half marathon with a PB of 1:46 and my legs burn in that good way you feel after a hard and gratifying run. I had the inner strength to lay off the caffeine & junk food the week before my race which helped me put in my PB. I have been really busy these past few weeks with a great new client and finishing up a really large project. I did manage to sneak in enough time to try out one new recipe filled with bright and healthy veggies. I am lucky enough to have family and friends that love me and want to celebrate my 29th (uh hum) birthday with me (again); and I can hardly wait for my mom’s famous coconut cake. On my birthday, I am going to relax, forget about work, warm up in a hot yoga class and get a much needed haircut. Then I’m going to grab a Starbucks and rock out a car concert (a little chair dancing, and a whole lot of singing) to my favorite tunes all the way home.

Huh. Now that I think about it: that all sounds pretty good.

So I’m going to turn off my internal editor and NOT accept that I am the bug. Today I am going to be the windshield.

Lucky me.

Cowboy Caviar

lightly adapted from What’s Gabby Cooking, serves 4 as a side

• 2 cobs of corn, kernels cut off
• 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 zucchini, chopped
• hand full of sugar snap peas
• 1/4 red onion, chopped
• 1/2 jalapeno, chopped (& seeded if you don’t want the heat)
• 1/4 avacado, chopped
• the juice of half a lime
• 1/4 C fresh cilantro, chopped
• sea salt and fresh pepper to taste
• dash of cumin

• In a non-stick skillet, gently saute the onions until they are soft about 4-5 minutes. Add in the red pepper, zucchini, snap peas (or whatever veggies you want: asparagus, more peppers, carrots, etc) and jalapeno. Saute another 4-5 minutes until tender crisp.
• Add in the corn and saute two to three minutes, just until heated through.
• Mix everything together and serve at warm, at room temperature, or cool. It’s up to you!

To my blog.

It’s officially one year ago today that I posted my first entry. It started out as a creative outlet in a rather dark time, but has turned into so much more. I have turned into so much more over the past year.

And I want to say thanx. A sincere thank you to everyone who has stopped by (and surprisingly it’s been more than just my Mom!), left encouraging comments, and taken the time to get to know me.

So, to celebrate I made a bright and happy strawberry focaccia (Many of you may be surprised it’s not something chocolatey but have no fear. Chocolate is coming. Dark, dark, chocolate.). Yeast is not my friend, and this upcoming year I am determined to master it. Among various other things. It’s amazing where a year can all take you…

Strawberry & Goat Cheese Focaccia 

courtesy of the fabulous Joy The Baker

• 2 packages active dry yeast (it really helps to use fresh yeast. Trust me.)
• 1 C warm water
• 3 C flour, divided into 1 C portions
• 3 Tbsp olive oil plus more for drizzling
• 1 tsp salt
• zest from one orange
• 3 Tbsp sugar
• 1 C thinly sliced strawberries
• coarse sea salt for sprinkling
• 1/2 C goat cheese
• good quality balsamic vinegar
• fresh chopped mint

• In a large bowl sprinkle your yeast over the warm water. Add in one cup of flour and stir until everything is blended together and smooth. Cover and set in a warm, draft free place for one hour to rise. I often place mine in the oven.
• While the mixture is rising, zest your orange and combine it with the sugar. With your fingers, rub the zest and the sugar together until it’s bright orange and fragrant. Set aside.
• After the yeast mixture has risen it’s hour, stir in 3 Tbsp olive oil, the orange and sugar mixture and salt. Add in one cup of flour and stir to combine. About 1/4 C at a time, add in the remaining flour. Your dough should be a little sticky. You might need a little less flour, or maybe a little more. I’ll let you be the judge!
• Once the dough has come together, kneed by hand, on a floured surface, for five minutes. Your dough should still be a little sticky. That’s a good thing for this recipe.
• Lightly coat a large bowl with olive oil. Place the dough in the bowl and roll it around, making sure the entire surface gets a thin coating of oil. Then cover the bowl, place in a warm, draft free place and let rise another hour or until doubled in volume.
• Next, punch the dough down and knead for just a minute. Then stretch the dough on a floured surface, using a rolling pin if desired into one large 16″x9″ rectangle. You can either leave it as one large rectangle or cut it into four as pictured above. Place the dough on a lightly greased baking sheet, cover losely and let rise for 30 minutes.
• While the dough is rising again (it’s worth it!), preheat your oven to 375F.
• After 30 minutes, use your fingers to make random indentations into the puffy dough. Drizzle with a little olive oil, about 1 tsp total. Top the bread with the sliced strawberries and a sprinkle of coarse sea salt.
• Bake the bread 25-35 minutes until lightly golden and baked through.
• Remove from the oven and allow to cool on a wire wrack. After about 5 minutes top with the goat cheese, fresh mint and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar.

I am a private, and sometimes to my detriment, I’m sure, proud woman. I am determined to keep up “appearances” and never show my achilles heel. I don’t like to show even the tiniest hint of vulnerability and I take comfort in hiding behind a layer of cashmere armor, movie star sized sunglasses, and high heels. Anyone who gets a glimpse of my ratty t-shirt underneath my Inhabit cardigan should realize it’s a decision I do not take lightly.

I’m not exactly known for my warm and loving emotions, those that are often required to spoil someone. I’m all pointy elbows and sharp toenails which suits my personality. I think people who don’t know me, view me as distant, maybe even cold, which often takes me by surprise because I feel anything but distant. It is definitely a coping mechanism, not to let people “see” me. Sometimes it saves me a world of hurt, but sometimes I just really want a hug. Even if you do get jabbed with my pointy elbows and flailing arms.

So next time I’m concerned with keeping up appearances,  I am going to toss together a batch of fresh rhubarb muffins with a sparkly streusel topping (huh… rhubarb is kinda tart and sour upon first bite. But spend a bit of time with it, sweeten it up with some sugar and you’ll love it forever.) and pick a bunch of fresh lilacs to pretty up my kitchen island and invite over a friend. I might even toss aside the cashmere cardigan because there are days where you just need a warm embrace.

Rhubarb Muffins with Strawberries & Orange

makes 12 muffins

source: MissLemonie

Streusel Topping:

• 3 Tbsp flour
• 2 Tbsp sugar
• 2 Tbsp brown sugar
• 1 1/2 Tbsp butter (<ost recipes call for more butter. Use your discretion.)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon

• Using your hands, combine all ingredients until they resemble coarse meal. Some small pea sized lumps are okay.
• Store in the fridge until you’re ready to top the muffins.

• 2 C chopped rhubarb
• 1 C chopped strawberries
• 2 C all purpose flour, divided
• 1 large orange, zested and juiced
• 1/2 C milk (I used non-fat, but anything will work)
• 1/4 C butter, melted
• 1 large egg
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 C sugar
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp salt

• Line a muffin tin with paper liners and preheat your oven to 375F.
• Combine the rhubarb and strawberries with 1/4 of flour.
• Zest and juice the orange. You will need 1/2 C of fresh orange juice.
• Whisk together the egg, orange zest and juice, and vanilla.
• Whisk together the remaining 1 3/4C flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.
• Stir together the flour mix and egg/orange mix. Once just combined, stir in the butter and the milk. Then stir in the fruit.
• Divide the batter between 12 muffin cups and top with the streusel mixture.
• Bake for approximately 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
• Let cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack before removing from the muffin tins (don’t want to burn yourself!) and then cool completely on your wire baking rack.

• These muffins do not store well because of the topping (it becomes soggy the second day). I would suggest inviting your closest friends over and enjoying the muffins together… in your 1998 “Yes You Can!” t-shirt and your not-so-sexy-butt, worn out sweats. Ponytail optional.
• If you don’t eat the muffins the first day, simply wrap them individually in plastic wrap and toss them in the freezer.

Lately I feel like I’ve been running just to see the light of day. A speck of sunshine. A ray of hope. I’m running to see daylight; to feel a pulse. To marvel at something new. To see something in the distance to look forward to.

And in my case, it literally does involve running. It’s my way of dealing. With the little disturbances of life (no Starbucks within walking distance, no poblano peppers at the grocery store, no place to wear my Mui Mui heels) and especially the bigger potholes in the road of my journey. I depend on the ritual of lacing up my runners and heading out the front door. I love the feeling of inhaling fresh air while my lungs are on fire from exertion. I love the feeling of a good round of speed work that makes my leg muscles burn. I love standing at the bottom of a hill knowing the only thing between the bottom and the top is me.

What I don’t love is when I head out the door and I have nothing but processed & foil packed, store bought, granola bars to fuel my early morning run. So I came up with this healthy breakfast cookie slash granola bar. I know all the ingredients in it and when it was made unlike those store bought things with a list of ingredients longer than my arm. So next time you find yourself running for daylight, or whatever it is that you do to deal with your life stresses, try one (it helps to have a stash in the freezer): it will give you the energy to face that hill and enjoy the view from the top.

Breakfast Cookies

• 3/4 C all purpose flower
• 1/2 C whole wheat flour
• 1 C old fashioned oats
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 scant tsp cinnamon
• 1 large egg
• 5 Tbsp melted unsalted butter (it will help your cookies stick together)
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 3/4 C packed brown sugar
• 1/4 C of your favorite nuts, chopped (I used pecans)
• 1/4 C 0f your favorite dried fruit (I used dried cherries)
• 1/4 C mini chocolate chips
• 1/4 of your favorite seeds (I used unsalted sunflower seeds)

• Preheat your oven to 350F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
• Sift together the flours, oats, salt, cinnamon and baking soda.
• Beat the egg then add in the melted butter, vanilla and brown sugar. Stir until well combined.
• Combine the flower and butter mixtures until well incorporated. Stir in the remaining ingredients.
• Using your hands, form into about 15 cookies. The dough is pretty crumbly. You will have to press the cookies together.
• Bake about 10-12 minutes. Ten minutes for a chewier cookie and a little longer if you like a crunchier cookie.
• Cool completely on a wire baking rack. These cookies will keep for a day or two in an airtight container but I suggest wrapping each in plastic wrap and storing in the freezer. The next time you need a quick breakfast (or have a cookie craving!) you can just grab one on your way out the door.

Do you ever feel like you’ve accomplished a lot? Like a whole heck of a lot? But that no one notices? Maybe the list of stuff you’ve accomplished lately is internal and people around you can’t “see” it: you didn’t cry last time you got invited to a baby shower, you stepped way out of your comfort zone and met new people in a new city (and consequently saw Adele perform), you broke your six mile record. Maybe it’s the little stuff that the people around you take for granted: you did the laundry, unpacked the suitcases, grocery shopped and made sure there was healthy food on the table at mealtimes.

Or maybe you’re too busy noticing everyone else’s successes to pay heed to your own. But sit back and look at where you started. You have made progress. You have come a long way, from wherever  and whenever, your journey started. Take the time to enjoy the milestones, be they large or small, that you’ve passed on your trip from point A to point B. Because we all have small victories, accomplishments, and successes.

Yea, there will always be someone smarter. Or prettier. Kinder or more generous. A better friend. Or more creative. But I suggest you stop.  Stop looking at others and be proud of what you’ve done. Have you smiled at someone today? Volunteered at school? Vacuumed the front entrance? Gotten out of bed? Enjoyed the sunshine? I’m thinking there is something you’ve done… and it might not be grand enough for anyone to notice and throw you a parade. But you deserve it. And maybe a brownie.
Salted Caramel Brownies

from Baked: Explorations 

For the Caramel:

• 1 C sugar
• 2 Tbsp light corn syrup
• 1/4 C water
• 1/2 C heavy cream (whipping cream, 35%)
• 1 tsp fleur de sel
• 1/2 C sour cream

• In a medium sized saucepan, combine the sugar, corn syrup and 1/4 C water and stir together. Be careful not to splash up the sides of your saucepan. Cook until a thermometer reads 350F or the mixture is a dark amber color. This should take about 6-8 minutes. Be careful not to burn yourself or your caramel. If the mixture splashes up the sides of your saucepan, brush the sides only, with a wet pastry brush while the mixture cooks.
• Remove the caramel mixture from the heat and slowly stir in the heavy cream. Then stir in the salt and sour cream.
• Set aside to cool

Last week, I was busy dealing with the appearance of normalcy. Trying to go about my daily routines and quickly patch up any cracks in my faultless (cough, cough) veneer with scotch tape, twine, Uhu glue and band-aids, lest the world I’ve so carefully constructed start to come unravelled. Or worse: deflate like a balloon pricked with an unnecessarily sharp object. Because what good is a popped balloon, dried and shriveled up, tossed in the garbage.

But  thank goodness, somewhere in the depths of my reserves I found a particularly strong duct tape ready to patch up any escaping air. It was like an unexpected gift. A Burberry trench coat when you’re expecting nothing. A hand-made card and a hug from a friend to let you know she’s thinking of you. Flowers from your Mom when the day should be all about her, not you. A simple phone call from a friend offering a beach cruiser ride who you know is tired and busy.

My daily life and the surprises it can so gracefully offer: sometimes the surprises throw me off course. Other times, the surprises are joyous presents to be treasured like this recipe I came across for strawberries roasted with balsamic vinegar. Huh… strawberries with vinegar? Thankfully, I didn’t toss the recipe in the trash. Instead, I hunted down a good quality balsamic vinegar, picked the freshest strawberries, and was rewarded with a heavenly confection.

An unexpected gift.

Balsamic Roasted Strawberries

Adapted from Shutterbean

• 3-4 C strawberries, roughly cut in half, or to any size you want
• 3 Tbsp maple syrup
• 2 Tbsp good quality balsamic vinegar
• 1 Tbsp port
• 1/2 tsp sea salt

• Preheat your oven to 350 and line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.
• In a small bowl, mix together the maple syrup, balsamic vinegar and sea salt.
• Place the strawberries in a large mixing bowl. Pour the balsamic mixture over top and mix until all the berries are coated.
• Spread the berries on the baking sheet. Pour over any balsamic mixture remaining in the bowl.
• Roast for 40 to 45 minutes.
• Serve the berries warm (Over ice-cream. Yummy creamy goodness!) or cool. They should keep in the fridge for up to one week.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Celebrate with margaritas, tacos topped with Spicy Mexican Pickled Carrots, and don’t let others sway your heart by telling you store bought salsa is better than home-made salsa. Never waver in your love or faith and build yourself a firm foundation that you are proud to stand on. Be separate from the crowd even if it means making your own corn tortillas instead of buying them in the store; at least you know the ingredient list and the “eat before” date isn’t valid for four months. Never waver in your love or faith.

And don’t compromise yourself for the sake of temporal groovyness.

It will be short lived. The heat from these carrots, on the other hand, will not be.

Spicy Mexican Pickled Carrots 

source: The Home Sick Texan

• 1 Lb carrots cut into dimes
• 1 C water
• 2 Tbsp vegetable oil
• 2 C white vinegar
• 1 oz. chiles de arbol, stemmed removed (see notes)
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp mexican oregano
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/4 C slivered white onion
• 1 minced garlic clove
• 1 jalapeno seeded and cut into rings

• In a medium pot combine the water, oil, vinegar and chiles. Bring to boil then reduce the heat to medium. Cook for five minutes uncovered.
• After five minutes add in the cumin, oregano, pepper and salt. Continue cooking five more minutes. Then add the carrots, onions, garlic and jalapeno. Cook for another ten minutes or until the carrots have reached your desired tenderness.
• Cool completely then refrigerate. The carrots should keep up to one month if stored in an air tight container in your fridge.

I was lucky enough to spend some time recently, with dear friends who live many miles away (hence the prolonged absence of posts).  I feel blessed to count these people as friends and I’m always a little sad to return home. Coming home from a vacation is always difficult for me, but especially troublesome when I have to leave people I really care about. It brings to light how much I am not a part of their daily lives and routines and they are not a part of mine. Returning to the mundaneness of my same old running route, my same old recipe for banana bread, and my same old pair of sweats (because who truly needs a Burberry coat and Philip Lim pants when they live in The Middle Of No Where?) can be a bit cumbersome.

But who says I have to run the same route? Or that I can’t jazz up my banana bread? Or go really crazy and wear high heels and lipstick to the grocery store? Because no matter where we are, or how far apart we may physically be, my best friend, my dear university friends, my new friends, and old friends recently reacquainted: when we look up into the sky we all see the same sun.

Hawaiian Banana Bread

source: inspired by the interwebs

• 2.5 C all purpose flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 C butter at room temperature
• 3/4 C vanilla yogurt (I use non fat)
• 1 C brown sugar
• 1/2 granulated sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 3 eggs or 3/4 C egg beaters
• 3 to 4 really ripe bananas
• Zest of one lemon
• 3/4 C toasted, sweetened coconut

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.

Jalal Ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

I love the romantic notions of that quote. To think that a part of my true love has always been with me and I with him. It’s so inspiring to think I’ve never been alone in spirit. Kind of cheesy and corny I know. But I’m a girl, I love pink, and high heels, flowers, and chocolate. I’ll own up to it.

A darling and antiquated notion, I know: true love that transcends time. A single soulmate for life. Unfailing. Yet I count on it.

A good friend once told me you’re  never alone if you have chocolate. Sort of the same idea… chocolate. It’s always there for me. And I am always there for it. I have always loved chocolate and I am reasonably chocolate has loved me for all of time.

Kind of like this buttermilk chocolate cake: old-fashioned and sweet. It never fails. I’ve known it forever.

And who’s to argue with true love?

Buttermilk Brownies… or Texas Chocolate Sheet Cake… or The BEST Chocolate Cake EVER

source: an old family recipe slightly adapted to “defat”

Cake

• 1 C butter
• 1/2 C dark cocoa plus 2 Tbsp black cocoa (regular cocoa if you don’t have black cocoa)
• 1 1/2 C water
• 3 C flour
• 3 C packed brown sugar
• 2 Tbsp instant espresso powder
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3 eggs slightly beaten
• 3/4 C buttermilk
• 1/2 C non-fat vanilla yogurt
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

• Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Get our your largest baking sheet. I mean large. 13″ x 17″ x 2″.
• In a saucepan combine the butter, cocoa and water. Bring to a boil stirring often, then remove from heat and allow to cool.
• In a very large bowl sift the flour, sugar, espresso powder, baking soda and salt until all incorporated. It’s important to do this so you don’t have to over mix your batter later which can result in a tougher baked good.
• Combine the eggs, buttermilk, yogurt and vanilla. Mix until very well combined.
• Pour the hot chocolate mixture over the flour mixture. Stir until combined. Make a well in the mixture and add in the buttermilk mixture. By hand, stir until just combined and there are no more clumps of flour.
• Bake for 22-27 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the cake, comes out clean.

Icing:

• 6 Tbsp dark cocoa
• 1/4 C butter
• 5 Tbsp buttermilk
• 4-5 C icing sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla

• In a small saucepan, over medium low heat, combine the cocoa, butter and buttermilk. Heat until the butter has melted and everything is combined, being sure to stir the entire time.
• Cool slightly then mix with the icing sugar and vanilla. You might need more or less icing sugar depending on how thick you like your icing. I make it pretty thick for this cake.
• Allow the cake to cool to room temperature before icing. If you ice it while the cake is too hot the icing will just melt off (not that I know from experience). If you ice the cake when it’s just barely warm (and I mean hardly discernible) the icing will get enough warmth to get nice and smooth and shiny on top, without melting off the sides of your cake and all over your counter.